It all began on a Friday evening at five o’clock. I had taken the day off from work in order to help set things up and make sure everything was just perfect for the first concert I was about to play. It was the first concert any of us in Daikonashi were to play together. Horse Radish Legs. No, that is not what I had eaten for lunch that day; it is what Daikonashi actually means in Japanese. It is also the name of the first rock band I was ever a drummer for. That evening, I didn’t mind so much that I had to carry my entire drum set up on the stage like I have done so many Sunday mornings in preparation for playing at church. Heavy though the instruments were, my spirit was lighter with thoughts of future fame and recognition from my peers from what I hoped would be a successful evening of making music.

The janitor, who couldn’t have been more than a year older than me, met us inside and told us that he would be controlling the sound and making sure everything went smoothly that evening. Feeling a small sensation of nervousness and slightly out of breath from carrying in the excessive amounts of the band’s equipment, I began to put my drum set together and position it on the stage. The correct positioning of the band members is important in order to give the audience an appealing view as well as to make everyone onstage feel as comfortable as possible. This was especially important to me as I yearned for complete perfection on the first night I exposed my talent to my peers.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t always feel like I have to show off in front of my friends. If I know people are watching me though, I usually try to make myself look good at whatever I am doing. Usually though, I end up looking like a fool because I focus too much on what people are thinking about me rather than what I am doing at the moment. For instance, if I am skateboarding in an area with lots of people in it, I will always end up on my face or totally screwing up my jump because my attention is not on what I am attempting to do. This, however, was not exactly foremost in my thoughts as I continued working on setting up for the concert.

After everything was appropriately situated onstage, we decided to get started on setting up the sound system. This means having all the proper cables for every application needed, and can be a difficult process because it does not always go as smoothly as one might anticipate. Fortunately, minimal problems were encountered and, for the most part, things were set up as planned. We found enough microphones for the drums, and after some tweaking, the guitar, keyboard, and bass were properly fed into the soundboard. Quality lighting is another key element that must be correctly prepared before any indoor concert. The light system on this particular stage was far from quality, but we made due with what was there to use. The stage that we were going to play on held a few spotlights, and after putting different colors of cellophane over each one, they gave an effect similar to what we had wanted. The technical details were finally all taken care of.

By this time, I began to notice that more and more people were arriving to hear the bands. Nothing had started yet, but the air of excitement was growing. We were no longer killing time by giving each other henna tattoos and telling stories, but instead were beginning to watch people as they arrived. One thing I must mention at this point is that I went to a private, somewhat preppy high school. Three were a grand total of 80 people in my graduating class and everyone knew each other like they had grown up as neighborhood friends. Abercrombie and Fitch, Old Navy, and Structure dressed most everyone who attended Worthington Christian High School. Because of this, I had not been exposed to very many of the types of people that I met there that night. These were your typical concert people…at least what I think when I think of concertgoers. Chains and baggy pants adorned these new arrivals and they carried a sense of individuality about them. I began to notice that there were also quite a few smokers there. Some people were smoking pot, some were smoking cigars, and others were just running around and having a good time. Everything seemed to be going ok until I realized that the reggae band that was supposed to open for the night had not shown up yet.

As I was sitting there counting down the minutes till things were supposed to get started, I began to think about what it would be like to get up on stage in front of all those people. I had thought before that it would have been nice to have the attention focused on us as a band, but now I was starting to wonder whether that was such a good idea or not. I began to remember back to all the concerts where I had been the one who was in the audience. I always enjoyed them most when I stopped watching the drummer or the lead singer and just danced around and had a good time. Legs kicking and arms flailing, I dance like some sort of ceiling fan that has a crooked blade, but it’s more fun knowing that people can think what they want about me and I don’t care a lick. Soon though, my thoughts came back to the moment at hand and I started to worry that the reggae band may never show up. My fears soon were dissolved however when they arrived, piling out of a smoke filled van, just in time to get things rolling.

As the Jamaicans were up on stage hammering away at their instruments with perpetual smiles plastered on their faces, I was sitting in the audience just imagining what it was going to be like when we got up on stage and started to really get the place moving. Drumsticks flying and guitars wailing, we would be the main event that night with everyone yelling and screaming for more. We would be begged to play more shows and actually make money off of them rather than playing for free. This is how I imagined things would be as I contemplated what a wonderful evening was in store for us. Little did I know however that my drumsticks wouldn’t fly in quite the manner that I had imagined them to.

Eventually, the reggae people were done playing their music and went outside to smoke some more of the herb. It was finally time for Daikonashi to perform. This was what we had been preparing the entire evening to do. We all went up on stage, were announced (our name was pronounced completely wrong of course) and sat down to begin our set. I tried to look out across the crowd, but saw nothing except for purple spots as the lights shown down with all the intensity of a Floridian sun. I could feel tiny beads of perspiration sliding off my skin as I attempted to focus on what was happening. This was the moment I had been preparing for the entire evening. I had set up and waited patiently all night to play, but my moment of fame, if you could call it that, was over almost before I even knew it had begun. The only thing that really remains clear in my mind was how I dropped my drumstick right at the climax of our first song (A kind of tradition came from all this: at every concert that I have played since, without meaning to, I always drop a drumstick at least once while I am up on the stage). I was not thinking clearly through the entire show, which is evident to me by the way things just blurred by as if I was in some sort of crazy dream.

My spotlight of fame was, in actuality, no more than a blink of the eye is to a blind bat. Things didn’t go exactly the way I had imagined that they would, but as the instruments were being packed away and things were winding down for the night, I began to think. I started to self-consciously evaluate my motives for being onstage. Was I playing drums in order to bring glory to myself or to God? I had this on my mind during the drive home, and arrived back at my house in a sentimental mood thinking that you really do learn something new every day. Some days you even learn something that you remember the rest of your life. I will never forget that concert and the life lessons that it taught me.

Here is a poem I dug up from English class:

Starshoot
by Steve Zeidner

First it’s there; then gone.
In the blink of an eye, the image is lost
A flash, scintillating in the heavens
Among a myriad of other peers – yet a nuance.
Although its beauty lasts for only a brief second,
It far surpasses that of the others around.
And when the moment has passed,
It is as if I saw nothing, but
The memory is eternally planted on my mind.

I’ve been thinking some (well, actually a lot) about the topic of joy recently. I have experienced depression on a somewhat regular basis since my high school days. Towards the end of my college career, I began to have more and more panic attacks. These did not get any less frequent as I grew older and actually became more intense at times. However, because of some recent conversations, events and a desire to replace depression with joy in my life, I began to ponder what it means to have joy in your life and how to obtain it…

1. Too much inward looking. I think depression sometimes (or maybe always) starts here, but it is always perpetrated by focusing too much on my self, my problems and what people think of me. That last one especially…what people think about me. I bet the happiest people in the world are the ones that have the focus completely off of themselves.
2. Obedience. By obedience, I mean not doing things intentionally that you know will make you feel guilty when it’s all said and done. As a bonus, you will learn self-control of your anger and other emotions. Obedience also means being able to forgive yourself and move on when you do mess up. Solomon, the wisest person in history came to the conclusion that the only meaning in life is found in “fearing” God and obeying Him.

Umm….there you go..that’s pretty much the extent of my thinking about years of depression. Of course, there are plenty of practical things you can do:

1. Exercise
2. Drink lots of water
3. Eat a lot of healthy food
4. Be willing to laugh at yourself

But, you can read all of those in a book. And, they’re really only like taking vitamins – preventative, but don’t really solve the problem.

One other thing I thought I’d mention even though I am embarrassed to do so. We have been getting into the show “Quarterlife” recently. A little racy perhaps, but I like it because it helps you to realize that other people have much more screwed up lives than you do (even if it’s by their own doing

Have you ever seen some art or watched somebody perform and thought…I could do that – it seems so simple? Yeah…I’ve thought that too. The next time you have that thought, go home and try to copy exactly what it was that you thought was so easy.

So, I had a brilliant idea to learn this song. It seemed so easy and had some comedic elements. Plus, it was mostly talking. When I started trying to learn it, I realized that there were actually some singing parts and that I really don’t know how to sing. Plus, the guitar part was really not simple. It was just played quietly.

Back a few weeks ago when we played rock band on the Xbox, I thought it would be best to start out my first song on a harder setting. Why? Well, I play drums and I figured this couldn’t be that much more difficult. I don’t know why I thought it would be any easier than learning to play something like Dance Dance Revolution. When we were all learning how to master that game (well, none of us have really mastered it yet), we started out in the beginner mode and spent hours upon hours playing through songs and learning the patterns and rhythms that were repeated in each piece. It took lots and lots of practice.

What I’m learning is that the mastery of one talent will not start you at an expert level when you go to learn another skill. What it might do is move you more quickly out of the beginning stages and into the intermediate because you have already learned how to learn. I’m taking that approach with brewing beer. I’m starting off easy (I had help on my first batch from an experienced brewer). My second batch was made with a kit (so everything all came in one package and I didn’t have to worry about trying to figure out the measurements and ingredients).

So, the next time that you are frustrated and wanting to give up, ask yourself: “Did I start out on the expert level again?” It all comes down to a matter of pride. If you are willing to admit to yourself that you need to go back to practice the basics, you will be more willing to listen the next time someone wants to give you advice. You will appreciate the fact that their advice may help you get to that next level more quickly instead of being offended by it.

Des-i-i-i-i-er. You know…that U2 song? It’s a funny thing. Many times in life we want something, so we go after it with the greatest of ambition. Take for instance the rare occasion that there is a free evening during the week. All I want to do is relax…the first thing that comes to mind is to eat and sit in front of the TV. That sounds like a pretty pleasurable time right? Not so much. It always starts out pretty relaxing, but as the evening wears on, I find myself loathing the time I’ve wasted, yet somehow not able to tear away to do anything productive. I was having a conversation with someone last night who talked about desiring to do carnal things, but at the same time wanting to be more spiritually focused to have those desires instead. Is it worth it to suppress our natural, animal (all my dog wants to do is eat, sleep and go on the occasional walk) desires in favor of those desires that require more effort but have longer lasting results?

My mornings recently have been fraught with turmoil about the decision to get up and run or to stay in bed and get that extra 45 minutes of sleep. I always feel better throughout the day and even the week when I run a few mornings, but that extra sleep is worthwhile to get the doctor recommended 8 hours. Of course, I could counteract this by going to bed 45 minutes earlier, but that would be an extra 45 minutes I could be watching an episode of Flight of the Concords or some other TV show. It’s just a vicious cycle (can you tell we’ve been studying Ecclesiastes recently?)

So, what’s the best way to sort all of this out? I say, take a vacation. Give something up for lent. Learn something new. Read a book that you’ve been meaning to get to. Meditate on some poetry…or some scripture. Learn how to appreciate something outdoors…or in someone else you know. Do something that is out of your normal routine. I’ve decided that being stuck in a rut makes you more likely to make bad decisions in regards to your desires…or cause you to lose desire for anything (which is not good either). So, go crank your steering wheel hard to the left (or the right if you are a Republican) and get out of whatever rut you are stuck in (even if you were just in there today).

Last weekend I learned a few things. I learned that the more jokes a person tells, the more chance there is of telling one everybody gets a laugh out of instead of a groan (hint: it was not me telling the jokes). I learned that someone in my family has written two novels and is currently working on a third. I learned that God can be woven naturally into conversation if He is woven that tightly into your life. In addition, I learned that people are primarily driven by significance and security. Something I realized is that it’s possible to drive 950 miles in 2 days and still find time off the road to relax. I had further insights into how to live in such a way that you do not react circumstantially or solely to emotion, but react to situations in a consistent (and hopefully increasingly positive) way – Note: I say that had had further insights into this…not that I live this way. I learned that some people are more disciplined and serious than others and some are more creative and relaxed, but the two are not mutually exclusive. I learned what grenadine is. I tasted Turkish nuts…and hung out with some too. I learned that not everyone likes ‘The Science of Sleep’. I learned that it really is possible for some people to just be high on life. I learned that sometimes in life you want to call the shots and other times you want someone else to call them for you. I also just realized that this probably won’t make sense or will be boring to most of the people who read it. Who cares though? Certainly not me.

They say you learn something new every day. If you keep your eyes open, I bet you will learn more than that.

I’m reading a book right now called microserfs by Douglas Coupland. It’s basically a bunch of fictional diary entries written by a guy who works at Microsoft and later goes on to work at a startup software company. I have not made it all the way through yet, but so far it has really made me think a lot about how much technology influences life. This week (well, just since Tuesday) has been the first time that I have been without a CrackBerry in 3 years. It’s actually quite liberating. I still reach for my pocket occasionally to pull it out and check email, but I remember before I actually take the phone out. I still feel the need to check email about twice a day (we are in Maryland so I am not at a computer all day long), but it’s not the urgency I felt before. It’s odd that some technology really speeds up certain processes that would normally take a lot longer without it (typing, video/sound production, etc…) and some just adds more complexity and stress to your life.

Anyway, in the midst of all of this, I began thinking about who the revolutionaries are in our era. In microserfs (written and set in the early nineties), the revolutionaries were those people who were coming up with new ideas for software companies and actually putting in the 120 hour weeks to create the software. In the technology realm, most of the “revolutionaries” of this generation are those who are creating original content on any medium (blogs, podcasting, etc…). I had a conversation on New Years’ Eve with a friends’ mom that got me thinking about being a revolutionary in a different area. Many people I know that are my age really don’t enjoy church and if they do go, they aren’t interested in being involved more than just showing up on Sunday morning. This makes me think that there is something really wrong with how we do church today (or maybe it is just with the people I know, but for the sake of argument we’ll say it is with how we do church). I don’t particularly enjoy most styles of churches that I have visited (including my own), but I love the people and the purpose that we are there for. Anyway, I wondered what it would take to be a revolutionary in this area and not settle for the status quo. Well, the first thought that came to mind was to start by praying about it – from what I hear, this simple act of talking to God can actually radically change things in your life that you never thought was possible – I say from what I hear because I have only recently begun spending more time praying regularly. I also saw that our church is going to be starting a class on C.S. Lewis by a philosophy professor who has some original (at least to me), thought provoking ideas about life and God.

On an unrelated note, we’ve been on a “That’s what she said” kick recently. Today on xkcd, there was this very appropriate comic.